What we are about to discuss is a first world problem. We are blessed to live in a land where our kids can learn anything and be anything.  The limitless possibility sometimes comes with a bucketful of guilt. I mean, what if Tiger Wood’s parents hadn’t taught him golf as a toddler?  What if Titus never saw a basketball until High School?

We’ve been debt free for 10 years, but last year I found myself lying awake knowing I couldn’t pay bills that I had promised to pay–and it all had to do with extras for the kids.  Our income had been steadily declining for 3 years and it finally hit a spot where we could no longer meet our obligations.  The hard part was their teachers were our friends and limiting activities not only meant disappointing our kids but also cutting our friends’ paychecks–not fun.

It was so awful that instead of calling it quits right then we sold some personal possessions to meet the obligations for the rest of the year.  Then we had some serious talks about how we would continue.  I begged for a chance to mess with the budget and see how we could make it work.  Darren was glad to give me shot–though he already knew what I would discover. Our lifestyle wasn’t sustainable anymore. We finally realized there would be no private school, no dance class, and no sports this fall.  I cried when I told the kids.  They took it surprisingly well (except for Dub and school–he still asks me often how long before he can go back.)  The idea of a slower schedule appealed so much to the girls, they asked if they could stop going to the weekly girl’s meetings at church.  That was hard for me also but I agreed.   I wasn’t the only one that needed the crazy merry-go-round of life to slow down a little before I lost my lunch.

We started Heidi in violin when she was 6.  I was convinced with musical genes from both sides of the family that the early start would boost her to greatness, and she was all for it. When she was 12, her friends took up the violin too.  In a few short months they caught up to her, learning in that time what it took her 6 years to master.  I figure I wasted about $4,680 trying to give her an early start—-PLUS the time and agony of forcing a young child to practice day in and day out.  She’s still playing today, so it wasn’t a complete waste (and it did help with cognitive development.) Still, I’m not a big advocate of starting them young anymore — unless the child is a prodigy.  You’d know pretty quickly if that was the case.

The truth is, we messed up a lot over the last few years, putting kid activities above more important financial needs–like retirement investing.  It feels selfish to tell my kids NO so I can sock money away for our life when they are grown.  I want to give everything to them now. In my quest to give them activities and lessons, I made their lives crazy.  They weren’t old enough or mature enough to say, “That’s ok, Mom.  I’d like to do it, but I’d like to be with the family and see you and Dad retire comfortably more.”  When we were forced to do cut activities, it was a relief all around.

We still do a few things like Boy Scouts, Youth Group, and music lessons.  Two are still studying violin,  5 are taking piano, and Heidi earned a fun role in the musical at her new school (which is free!) The music alone is $420 a month. It’s still a lot, but 1/3 less of what we were forking over last year.

How about you?  Do you limit activities?  How do you choose?

This has been day 15 of 31 Days of Kids and Money