Help! My Child is a Clothing Snob

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But first, I want you to know that I’m visiting at Stacy Makes Cents today.  Come along and find out the secrets behind my crazy low grocery budget. After you leave a comment on this post of course :).

A child might be a clothing snob if:

  1. They reject second hand clothing
  2. They determine the quality of an item by it’s name brand
  3. They determine the quality of an item by it’s price
  4. They beg for clothing the family can’t afford
  5. They have a closet full of clothes (that fit) and nothing to wear
  6. They think sales are embarrassing
  7. They think once a style is sold at insert any store here, it’s outdated
  8. They would never shop at insert any store here
  9. They judge another person’s value by what they wear

The thing about clothing snobs is they have low self worth.  They don’t believe they are anyone special apart from their clothing and that’s the main issue to combat.  Making them feel guilty about the naked kids in Africa won’t do it, though that can be a project once self-worth is restored. They might have caught the wrong message of worth from a bully, an advertisement, or a TV show.  However it happened doesn’t matter, the important thing is to make sure they recognize their own value (and also the value of others.)

They are of worth because God made them in His image.  He loved them so much that he gave  them their free will.  Then left his throne to die in their place in hopes that they might use their free will to choose Him.  No piece of clothing can change their worth.

As you are building a proper view of self, there are other things you can do.

  1.  Try giving them their own clothing envelope and let them use it to buy their own clothes.   For this to work, you can NOT bail them out.  If they spend it all, they’ll need to earn the money on their own to meet their clothing needs.
  2. Donate their excess clothing to a good cause.  Such as the dress project or a local ministry.
  3. Sew dresses for little dresses for Africa. Or for babies born sleeping.  Or knit hats and scarves for the homeless and here.

There’s something about volunteering and serving that heals the soul.

This is day 21 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

Affording Kids Clothing

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My mom sewed my clothes when I growing up.  Most of the time it was good.  There were moments when I wished I looked like everyone else, but it was pretty cool to get to design my own stuff.  AND I learned to sew a bit along the way.

I sewed my own kids’ clothes for years…it was a tradition I liked carrying on.  I did it on the cheap, recutting cast off clothing and using clearance bin fabric.  At some point while homeschooling, having 6 babies and working 3-4 jobs at a time on the side, I ran out of time.  Some of the kids were getting old enough that they had opinions about what they wore.  I might spend hours on an outfit, only to have it rejected during the final fitting. Sewing lost it’s charm for me.

Now we shop more at thrift stores, where the girls can try on stuff.  ThredUP gives us the convenience of thrift store shopping at home. We love that Old Navy clearance has prices to rival thrift stores and online sales around holidays that make their whole stock accessible.  Forever 21 has some of the trends the teens crave (after you sort through the WEIRD they also carry) at bargain prices. Discount shops like Ross, TJ Max, Burlington, and Marshalls fill in the gaps.

I tried shopping at a huge consignment sale once.  I was pregnant and tired and the crowd was overwhelming.  I thought the prices were high.  I could do better on clearance racks and I was so under impressed that I never went back.  That was 8 years ago. I have several friends who still go every season and score great deals.  Every thrifty method isn’t for everybody, and that’s ok.

There are times in my life where sewing exactly what we need still feels easier than running all over town looking for something specific, but if we are looking for general items for a particular season, it’s really fun to bargain shop.

My two girls have different shaped bodies and different personalities and style preferences.  We don’t hand down as many clothes as we used to between them.  Since we get their clothes so inexpensively, we sell what they can’t use anymore at yard sales and use the money to replace the clothing.

When you sell at yard sales and buy at yard sales, you can dress for free.

One of the best ways I like to save on clothing is to host a HUGE garage sale twice a year and invite friends to bring stuff.  Then I can shop from what they bring.  I have some stylish friends who price their stuff cheap.  This August was a huge win that way.  (I scored 2 Vera Bradley purses for $.50 and $1.00 each and they hardly look used!)

We pass clothes down through the boys as much as possible.  I have purchased more for the toddler than usual since 3 boys have worn the clothes over a period of 10 years and they are worn out.  Crumbling elastic, pilly fabric, ripped knees–worn out. I also shop for the oldest–who has no one to hand down to him.

Clothing is the hardest budget for me to stick to.  We do cash in an envelope but I only get $10 a month per person, which is also supposed to cover shoes.  That really doesn’t cut it, so I supplement that budget with garage sale income, and online sales. My ideal budget is $200 per year season for the ones that don’t get passed to, and $50 a season for the others. We’ve never quite had that much, but a girl can dream.  If I finish a month with money left in the envelope, I remove it from my purse and put it in a clothing envelope in the safe. That way we can save up for bigger purchases later in the year.

It’s possible to be thrifty whether you sew it, buy it new, or buy it used.  How do you prefer to save money on your kid’s clothes?

This is day 20 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

 

Affording School Lunches

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When I was a kid, my mom gave me enough cash at the beginning of the week to buy my lunch every day.  Then if I chose to make my lunch instead, I could keep the money.  It was a bonus to our allowance and taught us to be thrifty.  It worked out well since there were only 2 kids in the family.

With 6 kids in our family, it would cost us $300 a month to let the kids buy lunch every day. Our schools average $2.50 for lunch (older kids are slightly more, younger ones slightly less.) We can pack a lunch for around $.75 with a basic sandwich, some veggie sticks, and a self-packaged snack like cheese crackers.  Sometimes the kids pack ramen noodles in a thermos (cringe–I know.)  Heidi, the Sophomore, will often grill a chicken breast on the single serving grill and slice it over a chef’s salad.

Packing 6 lunches every morning (before I leave for work at 6:45 am) would push me over the edge of sanity. I delegated that to the kids and they’ve done well.  I try to keep their snack baskets filled with healthy-ish things, so they can make a sandwich and grab a few items to go with it.

We buy family size items from Aldi and sometimes Costco (when they have a coupon that makes it a good enough deal.) Then we repackage them with a measuring cup into snack size baggies.  Sometimes the kids help with that part and it saves me a lot of time.  It costs less per serving to take a few minutes to repackage than to buy single serving packs.

The kids only drink water*, both at home and at school.  That might be the single most budget saving thing we do around here! *Occasionally with snacks they get milk or homemade kombucha or Melaleuca’s Sustain Sport–like Gatorade but healthier and less expensive–but we don’t pack those for school.

How do you make lunches fit into your budget?

This is Day 19 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

Teaching Kids to Grocery Shop

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Yesterday I had so much fun with my kids that I completely forgot about the 31 day challenge.  We cleaned house, went to a birthday party, had a friend over for dinner and games and then hosted the church youth group for a movie night and snacks.  It’s the kind of day that you wish every day was like, and the best part—my house is still clean <3.

I may write an extra post at the end, but I’m not going to stress about it.  Instead, I’ll jump right into this week’s theme — “Teaching kids to understand what things cost” starting with food.

Teaching Kids to Grocery Shop

This whole parenting thing is about getting the kids ready to do life without us.  One of the most important money things we can teach them is how to not spend a WAD at the grocery store every time they go, but still get healthy foods.  That starts with teaching them how to not make US spend a wad every time we go to the store.  (We do not negotiate with terrorists–or screaming toddlers.)

Basic healthy foods aren’t that expensive.  It’s the fun stuff that adds up quickly.  Our kids have learned that we buy a little bit of the fun stuff, but it’s a rare treat.  The best part is when a treat is rare, it’s more exciting than when you get to eat it all the time.

To teach my kids what things cost, I have them look at the grocery ads with me to get an idea of what sale prices are at the various stores in our area. We plan our trip based on the best sales that week. Then I take them shopping 1 or 2 at a time and have them help me decide which items are the best value.

We divide the price by the number of ounces or servings to figure out the cost per unit.  Then can compare and decide whether it saves money to buy bigger packages.  Often it doesn’t–especially at Wal-mart. One of the keys to saving money is to never assume somethings a better buy…take a second to do the math.

Once they are old enough and trustworthy enough (which totally varies from child to child,) I send them into the store to grab a short list of items while I wait outside.  These solo flying sessions teach them the most.  It’s like how we remember how to get places when we drive there ourselves, but not so much if we were just the passenger.  The first time I let them do this I was terrified that something would go wrong, even though we were at our small neighborhood Aldi and I was right there.  It was fine (even though my daughter thought the cabbage was head lettuce–we just adjusted our recipe :).) The youngest child I’ve sent in this way was 11, but sometimes I’ll let a younger sibling go with their 15yo sister.

It’s much easier to learn thrifty shopping as a kid than to try to change your way of thinking as an adult.  It’s something I learned at my mama’s side and passing on to the next generation.

This is day 18 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

Kids Buying Cars

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Kids Buying Cars

My oldest daughter will be 16 in 90 days.  She’s a good driver and I’m excited for her to get her license and help out with the taxiing. I’m also excited for her to save up and buy her own car.

It’s something we’ve talked a lot about lately.  She’s concerned that it will take forever to save that much money.  I reminded her that I’ve been driving a car worth $500 for a couple of years.  If she could scrape $3,000 together, it would be the nicest car at our house :).   Dave Ramsey has a matching fund for his kids.  If they save so much towards a car, he’ll put that much more with it.  We thought by now we’d be in the position to do that for our kids, but we’re not.  They are going to be fine anyway.

Then there’s the insurance.  When I was a teenager, my parents paid my insurance as long as I was driving their car and made A’s or B’s in school.  Darren and I looked into it for Heidi and it’s pretty cheap to add a driver to an existing car since they aren’t the primary driver.  As soon as you add another vehicle to the mix, they become the primary driver and the insurance is quite a bit more expensive.

When we’re shopping for cars we call our insurance agent first and find out what it would cost to insure the vehicle we’re interested in.  It’s good to know all the numbers you’ll be faced with before you buy.  We also think about the sales tax, licensing and annual property tax.

We like to buy our cars used from a 3rd party (instead of a dealer), then run the car by our mechanic for a look over.  We aren’t car people, so it’s good to get someone who knows what they’re looking at to find any glaring problems.  We also look up the private sale car value at KBB.com. If you compare that number to the dealer price, you’ll see why we prefer to buy from an individual. It surprises us how many vehicles listed on Craigslist are priced incorrectly.   With the KBB number you’ll have what you need to know to make a reasonable offer.

We’re getting ready to buy a couple of cars for the family and are involving Heidi in the process, so she’ll be more prepared when it’s her turn.  At first Heidi thought she wanted a truck, but now she’s thinking something smaller and more fuel efficient.  As long as she’s paying cash, we’ll let her make that decision.  I’m excited to see what she chooses.  Until then, every time she gets called for a job that car is going to be in the back of her mind.

This is day 16 in our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

 

Should We Limit Kid’s Activities?

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Should we limit kid activities

What we are about to discuss is a first world problem. We are blessed to live in a land where our kids can learn anything and be anything.  The limitless possibility sometimes comes with a bucketful of guilt. I mean, what if Tiger Wood’s parents hadn’t taught him golf as a toddler?  What if Titus never saw a basketball until High School?

We’ve been debt free for 10 years, but last year I found myself lying awake knowing I couldn’t pay bills that I had promised to pay–and it all had to do with extras for the kids.  Our income had been steadily declining for 3 years and it finally hit a spot where we could no longer meet our obligations.  The hard part was their teachers were our friends and limiting activities not only meant disappointing our kids but also cutting our friends’ paychecks–not fun.

Heidi soccer

It was so awful that instead of calling it quits right then we sold some personal possessions to meet the obligations for the rest of the year.  Then we had some serious talks about how we would continue.  I begged for a chance to mess with the budget and see how we could make it work.  Darren was glad to give me shot–though he already knew what I would discover. Our lifestyle wasn’t sustainable anymore. We finally realized there would be no private school, no dance class, and no sports this fall.  I cried when I told the kids.  They took it surprisingly well (except for Dub and school–he still asks me often how long before he can go back.)  The idea of a slower schedule appealed so much to the girls, they asked if they could stop going to the weekly girl’s meetings at church.  That was hard for me also but I agreed.   I wasn’t the only one that needed the crazy merry-go-round of life to slow down a little before I lost my lunch.

Heidi Violin

We started Heidi in violin when she was 6.  I was convinced with musical genes from both sides of the family that the early start would boost her to greatness, and she was all for it. When she was 12, her friends took up the violin too.  In a few short months they caught up to her, learning in that time what it took her 6 years to master.  I figure I wasted about $4,680 trying to give her an early start—-PLUS the time and agony of forcing a young child to practice day in and day out.  She’s still playing today, so it wasn’t a complete waste (and it did help with cognitive development.) Still, I’m not a big advocate of starting them young anymore — unless the child is a prodigy.  You’d know pretty quickly if that was the case.

The truth is, we messed up a lot over the last few years, putting kid activities above more important financial needs–like retirement investing.  It feels selfish to tell my kids NO so I can sock money away for our life when they are grown.  I want to give everything to them now. In my quest to give them activities and lessons, I made their lives crazy.  They weren’t old enough or mature enough to say, “That’s ok, Mom.  I’d like to do it, but I’d like to be with the family and see you and Dad retire comfortably more.”  When we were forced to do cut activities, it was a relief all around.

We still do a few things like Boy Scouts, Youth Group, and music lessons.  Two are still studying violin,  5 are taking piano, and Heidi earned a fun role in the musical at her new school (which is free!) The music alone is $420 a month. It’s still a lot, but 1/3 less of what we were forking over last year.

How about you?  Do you limit activities?  How do you choose?

This has been day 15 of 31 Days of Kids and Money

No More Mess! A strategy that really works

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As usual, this post is about transferring responsibility to the kids.  That doesn’t mean that we get to sit back and do nothing, but once this system is in place it’s much less stressful than normal.

No More Mess

I couldn’t wait to go to college.  For the first time I could set my own rules and try out life on my own while still bringing my laundry home every weekend — independent, but not tooooo independent.

I only took the stuff that I needed to survive and happily moved into the dorm shared with 3 friends from home.  For the first time in my life I kept my room clean.  Spotlessly clean.

Before 2

Was it because I only had a few things?  Partly.  Was it because I finally felt responsible for my own space?  Partly.  Was it because I was determined to show that I was a mature adult?  Partly.

Heather's Room

The REAL reason was the college inspected our rooms and bathrooms every Wednesday, and if we failed in any small part, we had to pay a maid to make it right.   I was broke enough.  I didn’t want to give up extra money each week just to wallow in filth.

Why did the school care that much?  If we were filthy, then mold, rodents and bugs could become a problem.  They were protecting their property and rightly so.  Either we could clean ourselves or hire someone to clean it for us.  The school didn’t care either way as long as the room got clean. As parents we have just as much right to protect our property and our sanity by requiring our kids to keep their rooms clean and keep the food in the kitchen.

The Plan

  1.  Help your kids sort their items Konmari style, keeping only the things that spark joy.  If they still have too much stuff, offer to box half the things to trade when they get bored with what they have.
  2. Give all the items they are keeping a specific home (labels are a nice touch.)
  3. Give a short list of expectations
  4. Inspect weekly (or daily at the start if you are building habits) You might have a learning time period when the kids get a treat for clean spaces
  5. Charge them for a maid if they need one

Do you think it would work at your house?

This has been day 14 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

P.S.  I have to be really honest here.  Not all of our kid rooms are clean right now.  The ones that we have Konmaried are doing well and we’re still in the process on the rest.  We proved the system worked at our old house and now we’re working to get back to that happy place.  A lot of it depends on me being consistent with the checking, the rewards and the consequences.  Sometimes I think It would be easier to just clean the room myself, BUT that’s not good for the kids.  How amazing would it be to grow up and be a tidy adult?   I want that for them.

 

Music Lessons: Shifting Responsibility to the Kids

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I’ve only heard of a handful of kids who were excited to practice for their music lessons, and I’m not completely sure the stories were true.  When I was a music teacher my philosophy was simple.  If you didn’t practice, come anyway!  Likely you don’t remember what to practice after a week off and I’ll help you get started again.  I figured the one practice session a week with me was better than nothing.

At some point, however, a habit of never practicing really slows progress. I got tired of paying for lessons to hear my kids sound the same week in and week out.  And our music teachers didn’t all share my philosophy.  Often we spent half of the 30 minute lesson listening to a lecture on the importance of practice–and NOBODY wants to pay for that.

Music is important to me.  So important that I didn’t give my kids a choice of studying music, just like I wouldn’t let them opt out of math. We couldn’t afford lessons so when it was time to start, I took on a paper route to make music possible.  When I became too pregnant to deliver papers safely in icy weather, I started selling Mary Kay instead.  Then Darren lost his job, and we immediately suspended the lessons. Our teacher kindly offered to continue  in trade for my teaching his wife to sew.  I throw that out there just to say that there are ways to have music lessons even if your budget is tight. (I once had a voice student who paid in raw milk = awesome!)

Anyhoo, I finally got so tired of fighting the kids to practice that I announced they were paying for their own lessons.  Each instrument cost $60 a month and the 2 oldest study 2 instruments @ $120 a month.  My kids don’t make that kind of money, and if they did I’d rather them put it in a ROTH.

So, I offered to pay them $3 for a GOOD practice session.  I did not allow them to skip a lesson for not practicing and if they didn’t earn enough to pay for the lesson by practicing they had to come up with the money another way.   It worked.

That was over a year ago and now that we’ve been using this method for awhile, I’ve got some tips for you.  Make sure to get enough single bills at the beginning of the month so you can pay the kids as soon as they practice. It reinforces the behavior better if they get the immediate reward.  It feels weird to go to the bank and get that many ones. If it bothers you, you can trade the kids their ones for bigger bills on the way to the lesson, then use the same $1 bills every week.

I use a clipboard system to help the kids pay themselves when they practice.  Original post here. My biggest failure is forgetting to stock it each week :(.  That can make the whole system go bust.  We have our clipboards hung on the second floor outside their rooms and it would be better for me if they were some place I see all the time.  Out of sight, out of mind.  If you decide to try it, adjust the system to work for you.

There will come a time, when your child has to pay out of his own pocket. He will be sad.  You should be sad too.  Say things like, “Bummer, I’m so sorry this happened.” Look genuinely sad.  It will be hard to look sad, because this is the BEST thing that could be happening for the good of your child. Try to manage it anyway.

If they don’t have money, you can say, “I don’t know what you are going to do.”  Do not give him answers.  Do not bail him out. If he offers to work for the money, accept the offer. Make the job difficult enough that practice would have been better.   If they will be short with money going to the lesson, please (secretly) call the teacher ahead and ask for his help in making your child responsible.  You might offer to slip him the money (and possibly an extra tip) if he will make the child work the debt off.  It will only happen once (or twice if your child needs to test the limits a few times to feel secure.)

This is day 13 in our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

 

What it Costs

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A little housekeeping:  Are you getting 2 emails from me every day?  I’m sooo sorry for being annoying.  I just figured out how to let my 6,000+ email subscribers get the blog posts, but 300 of you were already getting them from feed burner–and now are getting 2.  I recommend scrolling to the bottom and unsubscribing from the feed burner email, even though that email is prettier.  Before the end of the month I’m moving my service to MadMimi which will be a pretty email AND you’ll get important info on things that I don’t post on my blog.  You know, special things only for people who are big enough fans to subscribe.  If you keep the feed burner one, and get rid of the ugly email–you’ll miss out.  I promise it will only be ugly for a little while longer.

envelope-system

I wrote a blog post August 2014 about how we handle souvenir and snack money on vacations.  I’d love to have the cash to buy cool and yummy stuff for my kids all the time.  The reality is with 6 kids a $1.50 gas station drink quickly turns into $9 if no one wants gum.  The other reality is that telling kids “no” makes them more fun to hang out with in the long run.  They rarely ask me for anything, because they know it’s pointless. They don’t go around pouting about it either (most of the time—they are kids after all.)

When I do surprise them with a treat, it’s because it’s my idea (not because they asked.) AND they get super excited about it.  That’s the thing about treats.  They are awesome because they are out of the norm.

When we are planning a vacation, we give the kids opportunities to earn their own cash.  My parents are a big help with this providing jobs like painting a fence, cleaning out the gutters, or sweeping leaves and sticks off the patio.  Instead of handing the payment to them right then, we put it in their trip envelope and keep it safe for the big event.

When we leave, they get their envelopes (with a very exciting show of ceremony) and told they can spend on whatever they want, but when it’s gone it’s gone.  If there’s anything left after the trip they can keep it.  They quickly figure out what things cost at a gas station vs Walmart and start to make tough decisions about what they really want.  When it’s your money that you sweat to earn, everything changes.

This is day 12 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money

 

A few Bible Verses about Money

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canstockphoto16166908

In a world where it’s popular to hate and protest the wealthy, I want my kids to look at money differently.  I want them to manage what they have according to God’s principles, to remember that it all belongs to Him anyway, and to work as hard as they can and do the best job they can at whatever they attempt to do.  If doing that makes them wealthy, I want them to be OK with that.  Then to take the money after providing for their families and change the world for good.

It’s not more righteous to be foolish with money management or lazy at work just so you won’t end up as an evil rich person.  It sounds crazy to type that, but I’ve met people who feel that way.

Money isn’t the root of all evil.  The love of money is.

1 Timothy 6:10 KJV

 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

God sometimes blesses people with wealth when they are faithful with little.

Luke 16:10King KJV

He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.

Genesis 24:35 KJV

And the Lord hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.

Here’s a list of faithful people that God made wealthy.  It was apparently not meant as a curse.

And here’s a BIG list of Bible verses about money.

This has been day 11 of our series 31 Days of Kids and Money.