Today is our first Monday of summer vacation. I’m a barrel of mixed feelings about school being out. I love having the kids home and the sound of stirring in the lego bin as they search for that perfect piece. We are making different education choices for next year and I am mourning the change. I’m not ready to talk about it publicly yet. Soon, I hope. For now, I want my friends to know we weren’t offended or upset in any way.
I’m still trying to figure out the whole summer vacation thing. In the past, I’ve written a summer bucket list and then had terrible Mommy guilt when I didn’t do much of it. Last year I made a list of things I wanted to do around Kansas City, one a week. We did 2 things, then adrenal fatigue had me mostly bed bound the rest of the summer.
I want to be a fun mom. I look at the pictures on facebook of families doing things together, like eating in a restaurant, going to the trampoline park, or in an extreme case, taking a girls’ trip to England….and I feel a little small inside. It’s dumb to compare, I know. But I do it anyway–it comes naturally.
I hope my kids tell their therapist that I really loved them. That they know I tried.
I need summer to be as restful as possible. School is hard. Teaching; spelling lists, math facts, reading charts, reports and posters, fund raisers, and things to sign x 5 nearly puts me under. Then we also have ballet class, soccer teams, basketball teams, violin lessons and piano lessons. Plus Zion’s League and YAChoir for the High School one; Zioneers for the Middle School ones; Young Adults for the parents; Priesthood classes, Gatekeeper training; and family visits for the Daddy who also helps lead the Trailblazers group….and takes the boys to Boy Scouts too. There’s Handmaidens and Lamplighters for the girls. The only night we can be home as a family is Wednesday night, and the church would prefer we come to prayer service instead. We don’t usually go. I have stay at home guilt on those nights, but if anyone walked a day in my shoes, they wouldn’t judge.
We’ve talked about limiting activities more. We haven’t come up with a perfect solution. The kids each have special needs that make a certain activity important for their development. The ones that aren’t crucial for congnitive and physical development are the church activities–and that feels kind of wrong to quit. So we stay with the crazy and ask ourselves often if we’re doing the right thing.
This summer I have no bucket list. The 4 oldest kids will each go to a summer camp. I will take the children to a family camp (we call it Reunion) while my husband stays back to earn money and hold down the fort. We are going tent camping in the Rocky Mountains at some point. And there’s a week of Bible School for the little ones. There will be a lot of time just at home though. If I can keep the screens off until 3pm, I will consider it a win, plus minimal fighting, and maybe cleaning once a month week.
Maybe we’ll air up the bike tires and send restless kids out into the neighborhood. And a summer membership to a local pool. That was a good thing last year. I have a few house projects I’d like to squeeze in, but I’m hoping to find lots of peaceful moments. Lots of peaceful moments.
My mediation:
Drop Thy still dews of quietness.
May all our strivings cease.
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess the beauty of Thy peace.
