I think I’ve had a midlife crisis of sorts. And then I think, wait—You’re not that old. And then I realize that if I double my life I’d be 74…..I’m that old?! But it’s not really about me. It’s about Heidi, who will be turning 14 in a few weeks. 14!
Have you seen her? She’s adult sized. And Beautiful. (And hates it when I write about her on my blog.) In 4 years she’ll be ready for college. Sniff. Do you remember what you were doing 4 years ago? It feels like yesterday to me.
I want to arrest time and take it prisoner. But it evades me like a cat burglar in the night.
These precious moments with all my children in my home, are fleeting. More precious than gold and will become as rare one day soon. And so I’ve lain awake pondering what they will remember as adults. (What they will tell their therapists.) What will they remember about their mother. What habits they will take from me into their adult homes.
Reading a friend’s blog recently, my heart was convicted that I needed to change.
So I’m awake this morning, 2 hours earlier than my body tells me is decent and good. Hoping that a habit will form and I can push the clock a little further. So that these wee quiet hours will become work to me, and the day will become family. So my children will remember a mother who reads stories, and keeps a clean enough house, and tries some of what she pins on pinterest. Especially the things that involve them.
It’s day 2, so I can’t claim victory over slothfulness. Or tell you how my body will respond, or promise it’s a permanent change. This morning, I rebelled at the sound of the alarm and tried to go back to sleep. But all I could think about was my grown beautiful girl and the stair steps coming behind her. And how they need me more than ever right now–and I need them. And I got up and stumbled to the kitchen, made a giant cup of Hot Chocolate and found peace in the morning. There’s something about the morning that I had forgotten: God is there.
Are you getting up at 3am(just like your friend)? I needed to read this today. Thank you Angela…
Anita, Oh no. I’m not that awesome, lol. I’m used to getting up at 7. So I got up at 6 for two days and now 5 for two days. 5 feels like a good fit. Maybe I could push it further, but I hope to settle in here for awhile. It’s a little bit of an oreo cookie issue for me, because DH wants attention after the kids are in bed, and if I need to sleep then, it could be a problem. So 5 seems to be a balance for me for meeting everyone’s needs.
Angela I have been following you for a few years now and she has grown into a beautiful young woman that I know you are proud of..I know she is a tremendous help to you and will grow up to be a beautiful mother like you!! Our three daughters have left the nest..we are in our early fifties with two little granddaughters..I still enjoy getting up an hour before my farmer husband(a habit I started when my girls were young) this is a. wonderful me time to meditate ..get organized for your busy day as a wife and mom..it is so worth it your body and mind will appreciate it!!!!
busy day as a wife and young mom
Love this! Thank you for your honesty and inspiration.
Thanks, Angela. My kids are 7, 5, 2 (toilet training) & 2 mos. As I am currently struggling through our transition to a family of 6 (& at times desperate for my 5 year old’s whining, 7 year old’s impulsivity & 2 year old’s clinginess to just stop…. & my husband to finish his medical residency training), I appreciate your post as a reminder that this is a season. I was in the habit of getting up at 5:30 for a while (kids up @ 6:20 to be at school by 7:40) & I MISS the quiet solitude, prayer, reflection & preparation for the daily demands of motherhood. Need to figure our how to combine some of that with early morning nursing sessions…)
Reading your goals motivates me to give mornings a try again now that my 2 month old baby boy is sleeping longer stretches. Daily is not realistic for me right now, but if I can manage even a few mornings a week it will help my spirit & psyche right now. My beautiful kids deserve more of my focused attention throughout the day (which should also help alleviate some of the whining & clinginess).
I also need to figure out how to reclaim time with my husband – his schedule is demanding & completely inconsistent – he’s often exhausted from a shifting work schedule in the ER, study & our 4 kids… Since baby #4 has arrived our awake & alert couple time together has drastically dwindled to practically nonexistent (also due to my 3 go-to sitters heading off to college a month before Baby #4 arrived – need to get my kiddos acquainted with a couple new sitters! ASAP!)
I know this is a LONG comment… Just processing during a (gasp) quiet moment to think when I read your post. Thanks for the venue to do so. Happy Thanksgiving week!
Danielle, Thank you for taking the time to write. I know this is a thought on many of our hearts. It sounds like you are doing a great job as a mother, and the fact that you care so much about the little things is a another clue to that fact.
All I can say is, amen, you are so right on my friend!!!!! (My oldest is fifteen so I know exactly
what you are saying) Well spoken!