Back in October of 2017 I went to 2 blogging conferences. One was in Ohio and the other in Texas. I was convinced that the reason why I wasn’t successful in blogging was because successful bloggers went to conferences and made connections. I hadn’t gone before because conferences are expensive and I’m terrified to travel alone. I get lost easily, am afraid of crowds, and enjoy being at home.
I thought it would help my family so I went to these conferences anyway. I met a lot of lovely people and really stretched my comfort zone. I learned a lot. Mostly what I learned is that making a full time living blogging requires more than full time hours. It requires hiring staff and creating a real company that feeds a lot more people than just us. Blogging was more than writing encouraging or educational articles. It was professional photography, script writing, filming, editing, scheduling social media posts, running chat groups, a constant presence on social media, SEO optimization, production calendars, scripts, affiliate marketing, recruiting sponsors, buying and selling advertising and a whole lot more.
I met lots of people who were successful, but they all had something in common: sacrifice. Some of them lost marriages, some of them lost themselves to drugs or alcoholism, some of them lost their kids to the world, some lost their friends. Their brand depended on Looking happy and successful on the outside while life was crumbling around all about them. They talked about the people they lost like you would talk about a cancer that was removed. Oof….I wasn’t down for any of that. I also met some people who truly kept it together but the blog became a family affair. Husbands became photographers, video editors, computer programmers, or social media experts. It was hard to determine when the work day began and ended. It was never ending. My husband emotionally supported all my goals, but didn’t have an interest in personally getting involved.
I was trying to build my blog business to save my husband from his accounting career that he chose for reasons that no longer applied to us and didn’t really enjoy. But when I really looked at our situation it became clear to me that he didn’t WANT or NEED me to save him. In fact, he was much happier going to work and having clear production and end of work day boundaries then he ever could working from home as my assistant. When or if he decides he’s ready for a career change, he is more than capable of making that change himself. I will be right behind him cheering him on in whatever his goals become.
Going to the conferences was supposed to help me to build a successful business in blogging, but instead it convinced me that I didn’t want to do it at all. I tried to hang on for another year for the sake of my meal planning service. I even enrolled in personal training school thinking the certification would help me grow my recipe service. But then something really scary happened.
I was fixing dinner one evening in December just before Christmas 2018 and called my kids to the table. My 2nd son was in 7th grade and usually came home from school and went straight to his room for a nap. When he didn’t come to the table, I went up to his bedroom in the attic to wake him. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere. I PANICKED. I asked everyone in the house if he had come home from school and no one knew. I called every friend he had to see if he had gone to their house. I called his bus driver, his school principal…everyone I could think of. I sent my oldest son up to school to look for clues while I waited at home in case he showed up. I posted on my personal facebook page asking for community help to look for him. Eventually we exhausted all our own resources and called 911.
The 911 dispatcher asked me if my son would hurt himself. “NO!” I insisted. But then I realized every parent must feel that way. What if I didn’t really know my son? What if he was hurting and I was too busy chasing my dreams to notice? What if he was dead? I leaned over the side of my front porch and said, “I’m going to throw up.”
The dispatcher said, “Ma’am, Ma’am…stay calm. Stay with me.” He told me to stay home and he would send a police car over to take my report. Except he didn’t. He never called it in. I stayed at home waiting for a police officer that would never come wasting precious hours that I could have spent looking for my child. I find that part hard to forgive, but through the grace of God I have forgiven him.
Soon, friends were on my porch organizing a search party. Another friend called a police officer that attended church with me and knew our son. He happened to be on duty near my neighborhood, so even though he wasn’t officially dispatched he used his skills to begin searching. I didn’t know he was on the job and was still home waiting for a officer.
The police friend started at the main road and drove back and forth across every neighborhood street between there and our house. In the darkness, a block from my house, he spotted my son. He pulled his patrol car up beside him and rolled down his window. In his stern voice he said, “Dub, where are you supposed to be right now?” Dub looked up and burst into tears. Dub got into his car and the officer called my cellphone. “I have your son; I’m bringing him home.” Those are the sweetest words I will ever hear. I still cry when I think about that moment. It is forever seared on my heart. I am aware that not every son comes home, that he was at high risk, and that it was my fault.
Dub had stayed after school for Christian Club. He woke me up that morning to remind me, because the club doesn’t meet every week. I wasn’t quite awake and even though I responded to him, I didn’t register what he said. After club, I didn’t come. I was taking another son Christmas shopping without a thought that I was supposed to be there for him. Everyone left school, even the staff went home, leaving my son there alone. He didn’t have a phone and we lived 6 miles from school. He waited 2 hours for me. It got dark. He had a full backpack, his clarinet and a heavy coat under his arm and he started walking home.
He crossed the HIGHWAY on foot and walked down main roads. He passed gas stations, fast food restaurants, lots of businesses, but never went in to ask to use the phone. He said it was “too scary.” Many of my friends saw him on the road but didn’t recognize who he was. It took 3 hours of physical walking to make it to the place where the officer found him and all the while I can imagine he was thinking that we forgot him, didn’t love him, didn’t care.
The next month, we did the end of the year books for my meal plan business. There was good money potential in it I knew, but I had trouble with the advertising side of things and would need to hire more help to make it profitable. Darren showed me that I was earning less than $1 an hour after expenses and explained the sacrifice the family was making so I could chase that dream. I instantly let it go. I refunded every subscriber their remaining balance and closed the service. Without the meal plan business there was no income to pay for the blog tools, email services etc…so I canceled them too. For the first time in years, I felt free.
I remember that night when Dub went missing. I prayed so hard. When he was found, I cried tears of joy and thankfulness. And then I prayed, thanking God for Dub’s safe return. I had no idea this event was connected to your blog and meal service. You did an amazing and good thing putting your family first. I have great respect for you doing that.
Thank you for your prayers. Really the only connection is that my mind was so split up in various directions that I wasn’t able to care for my family the way they deserved. Even when I was present with them my mind was thinking about all the things I had to do. Almost loosing Dub, made me look at my life with new perspective. I could see what was most important to me.
Oh wow! As I was reading this I was crying so hard! That must have been such an awful night, looking for your son. I can’t imagine all the feelings running through your head. I’m so glad he was okay and it turned out well. Your decision to stop the blogging work etc makes sense to me. I’ve been a stay at home mom for so many years and now am a stay at home wife as the kids are on their own . I have had the same feelings about my husband and his job which he often times doesn’t love. I constantly have to check myself because I want to try to fix it. I know that my intentions are good but I keep coming back to the fact that he doesn’t want me to fix it for him. It’s really not my place anyways. I do some side work now online, just a little bit not much. And it works well with us. I think it’s good to find what works for you and your family which is different for every person. Anyways all that to say I’ve been a long-time reader and I subscribed to your meal plan years ago as well and I’ve always been blessed by the content that you have put out. You are encouraging and a blessing to many.
Beth, thanks for leaving your kind comment. I feel like you totally understand my thinking about my husband’s job. He really just needed me to help him do his best work there by taking care of the things around the home. I’m glad you found some online work you can do. I started teaching singing and piano lessons in my home and gathered some personal training clients too. It’s low stress and super enjoyable. I feel like I’m making a difference.
Wow Angela, thanks for sharing. You’re a really good mom. I hope you know that. We can all lose sight of things, you were willing to put your family first and make changes. I’ve told you before I’ve missed your posts and getting to see your family grow. I hope you’ll be able to continue to share, how and when you want, just for the purpose of sharing with community that appreciates you♥️
Theresea, thank you so much. I miss posting here and think I will just as an outlet and not try to maximize SEO etc. I’ve been posting my recipes and thoughts in my private personal training Facebook group, but started to realize Facebook could delete it at any point. I still come to my blog all the time to find my recipes 😂. So I’ll be moving more of them here.
I like blogs without all the fancy stuff and am glad that you might be back posting in this space when family and personal stuff allows ! So glad you and all your family are safe and well !
Thank you, Fiona. I prefer blogs without ads and pop ups too. (Just give me the recipe, LOL!) It’s hard to make money without them, but now that I’m free from that pressure of trying to earn a full time income, I can just enjoy sharing from time to time.
Hi, I used to get your meal.plans, I’m still here! How absolutely terrifying! I know that feeling of too much” very well. I’m so sorry you all went through that. <3
Hi Melanie! I’m glad you are still out there and thanks so much for supporting my meal plans back then.
Angela, I have so much respect for your decision, and your reasons. I am still thinking about your discovery that you didn’t need to “save” your husband. So powerful, and probably so sweet in your marriage. You are so wise. You are also enough, just as you are., business or no business. Many blessings to you and your family.
Leslie, It was an aha moment for sure. My mother in law kept encouraging me not to try to save him from his career, but in my stupid pride I couldn’t see it.
I don’t recall why or when I subscribed to your blog, but you showed up in my blog feed today and I’m very glad you shared your story. I’m so sorry about that day and such a life-altering event. I bet you think about it every day. There is a lot for me to think about here in how your story applies to my family. It was an important reminder to me about how in my situation, my job is to put my kids first. Thank you so much for telling us about this.
Becky, thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. When life is nearly over the thing we won’t regret is putting our family first.
Angela, thank you for sharing this! I am so sorry you and your family went through that scary situation, and it makes so much sense why you would switch gears like you did. About a year ago, I hopped on your blog wondering what had happened to you (I had been a longtime subscriber as well, and even made several slings and aprons from your early days online). I miss seeing your family and hearing updates, but I understand your decision to not let the blog consume you. Praying for you and your family!
Hi Jessica, Thanks for being such a long time subscriber. I think I would like to write more often now without the pressure. It is encouraging that there are a few readers like you still out there. I love that you made some slings and aprons! I got out one of my old slings a few weeks ago to use with my grandson and all the great memories came flooding back.
How horrible! Looks like you made the right decision for your family.
I enjoy reading your blog, and don’t need fancy photos. And, personally, all the pop-up ads and videos are annoying.
I’m glad to hear from you again, but totally understand if you decide to give it up for good.
Rejena, Thanks for the encouragement! I think I will write again now that I’m not pressured to make it a business.