Have you ever thought about how baby animals are born essentially knowing everything they need for survival, while baby humans are completely dependent?  Many babies even lack the skills they need to eat!  As a first time mom, I was shocked how much I needed to teach my child.  How to eat was just the beginning.  Anything I wanted her to do, I had to show her.

Imagine you are hired for a new job.  You are so excited to start work that first day, but are a little confused when there is no job training session.  Your boss puts you in a room, shuts the door and expects you to work.  When he comes back, he is displeased with your performance and shows you everything you’ve done wrong.  Humiliated and frustrated you try again the second half of the day.  You manage to remember to correct some of your earlier mistakes, and make a whole set of new ones.  Day in and day out you go on expected to perform and are punished and humiliated when you fail.  Since you don’t know the expectations ahead of time most of the day you feel like a failure.

I wouldn’t last long at a job like that.  I much prefer to be trained thoroughly in advance so that only minor corrections are needed later.  As I thought about it, I realized I had been treating my children like the boss that didn’t train.  We’d go to the grocery store and the kids would walk in a pack, blocking aisles, hiding in clothes racks, playing tag and getting in people’s way.  It was embarassing and I was frustrated with them.  They weren’t born with essential social skills, but I expected them just to “know” them. 

Finally after an especially bad trip, I took them home and we practiced shopping there.  We learned how to walk in a line and respond to simple commands such as “single file” and “cover down.”  I also talked to them about what might happen if they play tag and break something or knock an old person down.  The children proved that they were pretty smart when it was brought to their attention.   We trained in this fashion pretty frequently for a few weeks and we talked about what I expected all the way to the store.    It was almost fun to take them all out and about and show off their new skills!

Shopping practice worked so well that we practiced other things too, like how to act at a baby shower, a birthday party, a wedding and a funeral.  No more was I embarrassed that my child thought she should help the guest of honor unwrap all the presents!  And my children were relieved too.  It was comforting to them to know what behavior was expected and that they would not be in big trouble when they got home.

Practicing life isn’t hard.  Simply set up a mock situation at home, practice the important behaviors you want them to know (like how to open a gift and say something truthfully nice no matter what it is.)  Then on the way to the actual event, talk about what you practiced so they won’t forget.