I have roughly 21 months left with my oldest daughter living in my home. In that time she will graduate high school and head off to college; marriage and babies soon to follow. I lounged on her bed this weekend just talking about the things that matter to her, that give her hope, that stress her out, that make her excited. Breathing in the time with her, aware more than ever how precious and rare it is.
We talked about the things she’d still like to learn before she becomes a wife and a mother. When she was born I had a plan to make her a fabulous cook, seamstress, gardener and more by the time she was 12. Oh guys, I laugh when I think about it now. Just doing the basics was hard enough and she had ideas of her own. At an early age, she pushed back against who I was and pursued her own interests, forged her own path. She’s a great kid, so I let her be herself. She was more denim than lace, more sports than domestic. At first exactly opposite of everything I was, but as she’s grown up we’ve become a lot alike.
My mom tried to teach me stuff before I got married. I helped with cleaning and gardening chores, and had full access to the kitchen any time I wanted it. Mom helped me make a few things like a pair of shorts, a skirt, and a pillow. She stepped back and let me piece a quilt with a friend and make my own mistakes. BUT it wasn’t until I had my first child and went from a size 4 to a size 14 and needed professional clothing to go back to work, that I really CARED about sewing. It wasn’t just a fun thing anymore, it was a necessity. She helped me choose the right fabric and pattern, fit it to myself, and stayed nearby while I did it myself. This time I was listening, remembering, taking it all in. It mattered to me.
I’m not freaking out, I’m being mindful. In 4 years from now, I won’t look back and think, “I wish I would have…” I want to think, “I did the best I could.” And I’m being realistic. My girl works 3 jobs, is in the musical and various clubs at school. She has a boyfriend. Her leisure time at home is rare, but it’s not too late. When it matters to her she will learn, and in the meantime, she knows just enough to know that she CAN learn to do anything she wants to.
For the next few weeks, I’m going to be posting some things that I really want her to know. When she’s ready, it will be here waiting. We talked about it and she’s on board and may even show up in a post if she’s around. She’s mentioned a few things she’d like to know that will make starting her own home that much easier. While it’s true that she can learn anything later; leaving home is stressful enough on it’s own. It’s easier if you already have some great skills under your belt.
What do you want your kids to know before they leave home?
So glad you published this. Awesome that you and your daughter have a great relationship. Good encouragement for me to think about this myself as my hubby and I are at the end of raising two of our kids. Not to mention we need to ask the Lord what does He want us to do in pouring into them, mentoring and guiding them in these last days at home.
I am of the mind that I want to give my kids the TOOLS to learn so they can do whatever God is calling them to. I have taught some domestic skills: cooking, cleaning, laundry, animal care, a little gardening, grugal living etc . . . but I know I learned so much of that when I left home and was forced to learn. Then I was constantly on the phone with my mom, “Mom! What do I do when . . .? ” I will look forward to those phone calls that I pray will come to me. So we are teaching our kids to think analytically, work hard, accept responsibility and give generously. The details will fill in as we go along. (My oldest is 16 so not too far behind yours.)
Yes! I remember calling my mom all the time those early years. I imagine she liked knowing I still needed her and valued her wisdom. Now Mom calls me, because I have a better handle on how to Google stuff, lol.
Lovely daughter! Our daughter, Holly, had 9 children, as you know. I learned a lot from her as she did a good job raising hers. But we rely more on prayer than any other time in our lives as they go out on their own. Especially that they will stay close to the Lord. God has blessed you for your diligence and given you wisdom.
I want my girls (now only 4 and 6) to know how to handle money. How to earn it, how to save it, how to spend it wisely. How to make and follow a budget. How to handle credit cards., etc.
I want them to take the time to live their life before settling down – if they do – (getting married, having kids). I will encourage them to travel, to live by themselves for a while, to have fun with their friends. To explore the world and make sure that what they are choosing to do with their lives is THEIR choices, not mine or the society’s.
I want them to be able to question things, to debate, to have opinions. I want to them to educate themselves, at school and off school. To see a “bigger picture”. To be fighters when need’s be. To be resilient and positive. To see the good around them.
I hope I can raise strong, loving, intelligent woman who are not scared of their own voices. Who are able to be who they are without apologizing. I am a married, I am a mom, and this is the best thing in the world for me. But woman can endorse a lot of roles apart from begin a wife and a mom. If this is what they choose as a path of life, good for them. If not, good for them too. I just wish for them to be Happy (capital H!) in whatever they choose to do with their time on Earth.
I’m looking forward to this series! I hope I can help my teenagers learn to set goals and figure out the steps they need to meet them; whether it be in their relationship with the Lord, their education, their career, their finances or any area of life.