Going to church with my children has been my greatest joy and my greatest challenge. My methods have changed from when my oldest daughter was born 10 years ago and how we manage things today. When I realized things weren’t working for me I sat down and thought about what my goals were in taking my children to church and what was stopping me from reaching these goals.
My desires for my children
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To associate joy with church
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To love and worship God
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To learn more about the Holy Scriptures and God’s plan for their lives
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To build godly friendships
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To learn new hymns and scriptures
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To feel God near
Why wasn’t it working?
1. The children were hungry and tired–big church comes right at lunch time and nap time
2. They distracted each other–hugging, kissing, and poking soon turned into screaming and wrestling
3. If I brought books, snacks or toys into the sanctuary…
a. They quickly went through them and wanted more
b. They made a mess with everything
c. It distracted them from getting much from the service
d. It distracted those around us
e. The older children wanted what I brought for the baby
f. I lost my cool quickly from sensory overload (too much visual movement, noise, and things bumping into me)
4. When I took all things away, the children started to hate coming to church.
5. They used bathroom breaks as an excuse to leave the service.
What does work?
1. Bringing a snack for everyone to eat before entering the sanctuary. This keeps blood sugar levels stable and helps the children control themselves. They learned noone would eat upstairs, not even the baby–except for nursing with a cover.
Here are some things I’ve taken for snacks: cheese and crackers, mozzarella cheese sticks, sliced apples, peanut butter finger sandwiches, wheat thin crackers, homemade bread, muffins, bagels, grapes, raisins, animal crackers…
2. I take them all potty and to get drinks before the service and let them know they won’t be leaving the service for these reasons.
3. When we sit on the pew I carefully order the children so that the ones that are ornery aren’t together.
4. Not bringing a lot of toys or books for the children. It keeps their entertainment expectations low.
5. There are some things I make sure to keep with me for those tough moments. They are ordinary looking things, not labeled as toys. It helps them be more interested if they think it’s something real. Here’s a small list:
a. A mechanical pencil for each child and if they start to fidget I let them doodle quietly on a scrap of paper before it turns into a discipline problem. (If I wait until they have been really naughty to hand them something it’s like rewarding their bad behavior.)
b. A small photo book in my purse with wallet size snapshots of family and friends
c. A handkerchief to roll up as twin babies in a cradle. I couldn’t find any instructions online so here’s a little video how to do it.
d. Chap-stick
e. Hand cream
f. Band-aids and Kleenex eliminate 2 more reasons for getting up
6. Also there are small things I can do to help the children stay focused.
a. Give them a gentle hand massage
b. Illustrate the sermon on a bulletin
c. Help an older child make a list of words they might hear during the sermon. During the sermon when they hear a word on their list, they place a little tally mark. It really keeps them listening.
d. Fold the bulletin into origami while they listen. I only know how to make a boat, but it works.
7. If my very small child (less than 2) gets fidgety I’ll stand in the back and hold him. A change of view usually does the trick.
8. And I’m not above having a little sweet tart treat for the children that don’t have to leave the service for discipline :).
f. After church I try to stay long enough to allow them to talk with their friends or run on the lawn a little bit.
Does it really work? Well, it works better than anything else I’ve tried. If you’ve sat near me during church, you’d know it’s not a perfect system. The children are still children and we all get weary and short tempered and sometimes I have to leave the service with a toddler under one arm. But they do grow and learn…and so do I. I’m so glad church is a place for sinners to find the grace of God :).