Nope this isn’t a craft post. It’s about marriage. Some say the glue for a marriage is love, but I disagree. Romantic feelings come and go and sometimes you just don’t “feel” it. But that’s not a reason for a marriage to fail if it’s held together by commitment.
Marriages are breaking apart all around us and that’s enough to make DH and I hold on tight to each other and pray. We’re no strangers personally to conflict in marriage, some of it serious. It scares us when people we’ve been close to and love dearly suddenly split apart. No only do we grieve the death of their family, but it feels close. Like if we aren’t watchful and purposeful it could happen to us.
One drive home from school my youngest daughter asked me, “Who do you have your eye on next? You know, for when you get tired of Daddy?” As if it was inevitable that we would split one day and I would move on as she had seen so many other parents do. It was all I could do to keep the car on the road and I said, “Honey, that is one thing you will never have to worry about. Your Father and I promised before God and 400 witnesses to stay married until one of us died. That doesn’t mean that we will never disagree or always be happy with one another. That doesn’t mean that one or both of us won’t mess up badly. But we will never quit trying. Do you understand?” I drove with my peripheral vision as I looked at her in the eyes. “I give you my word, that I will never leave your Daddy.” A that moment, something inside her finally felt secure.
There are seminars, books and dvds on how to have a happy marriage. I’m pretty sure my dad has a copy of everything in his home library and uses them weekly as he works as a lay counselor. There’s lots of good things to read and watch and learn, but if you only do two things today, try these:
1. Honor your husband daily. Men need honor more than love. Gasp when you meet him at the door after work like he’s the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life. Think of things you value about him and tell him. If you know there is something you could do to please him, do it. Does he prefer long hair? Why cut it short? Does he have a preference for food? For s*x? Work it in. If you honor him, he will start to treat you even better. But don’t honor to get something in return. That ruins the effect. Just freely, sincerely, honor him.
2. Plan for a weekly or bimonthly date night. This could be as simple as a Netflix movie at home and some “cuddle” time. Or as elaborate as a theme date from the Dating Divas. If you have young children, you can put them to bed early and start a home date after they are asleep. Even better, find another family that you can trade babysitting with. We’ve been doing this for 5 years and works great as long as there are ground rules and each family respects them. (I’ll share my ground rules tomorrow :).)
Stacy from Stacymakescents.com
In honor of Valentine Season, I’ve partnered with 2 other bloggers to bring you some inspiration for some fun but frugal Date nights. Tuesday, I’ll introduce you to Stacy from Stacy Makes Cents.
Jenna from Rainonatinroof.com
And Wednesday you’ll meet Jenna from Rain on a Tin Roof.
Thursday and Friday, I’ll share my ideas for creative dating on the cheap.
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Your daughter’s question made me tear up! We’ve had similar talks with our 6 y.o. daughter, who has already seen several friends’ parents divorce, and her grandparents. She never asked the question but I gave her your same response. They see us fuss, but we also make sure they see us hug and kiss. Looking forward to this week’s posts!
Can’t wait for the rest of this series! Always needing date ideas!!
Brilliant email comment from Holly: One thing that I’ve done that is helpful for me, is every time I’m mad, I try to make an effort to do something nice. It really helps break my selfish attitude to have more of a servant’s heart towards my husband.
Hello Angela, I bet you probably heard it. But the Love Dare, Fireproof your marriage. This set of books have taught me so much about my selfishness (I didn’t realize I had) and how to just give love without expecting rewards or love in return. It is a hard road to travel. With 2 failed marriages (one was no fault of my own), I had to look at myself. I realized what I expected and what reality had already given me were two different things. I learned I can’t change someone, but I needed to find someone that I loved for who they were and bad or good would stand beside no matter what. Gosh, I hope my road can be traveled by less people. If I only knew then what I know now I would of truly tried to see things the way they were. I am happily married now, we have disagreements but we always talk them out, work it out and never go to bed angry. Commitment is lock that holds you together and communication is the key that opens doors to each others soul and keeps the family unit safe when the day is done. Blessings to all.
Brenda, I agree, The Love Dare is amazing. I haven’t looked through it in awhile and need to revisit it. There’s so much talk about self-care right now that I worry our society is swinging the wrong way into celebrating selfishness. There’s a definite balance needed. The love dare teaches unselfish loving with nothing expected in return. Which is the way God loves us. Even if we love Him in return, there’s nothing we can give to Him that He hasn’t already given us first. Thanks for sharing your experience. You have good wisdom.