Say the word “homemaker,” and this is the most frequent response:
“What do you do all day?”
This question is offensive to a lot of at homemakers because it implies that there’s not enough to do to keep an at home spouse off the couch watching Netflix and eating raw cookie dough. (Not that that NEVER happens. Overwhelm can drive anyone to a Netflix cookie dough binge. And if there’s any job that’s overwhelming, it’s homemaking.)
I thought about it a lot and I think I can put my job description into one tidy sentence.
“I optimize life for my household.”
Cleaning is part of it, but a tiny part.
I make sure my husband can work, and try to take care of the things that would normally interrupt the working day of a spouse in a two income household. Things like making appointments, a sick child, meeting a service provider, running errands.
I research, research, research, so we get the right products, get appropriate discounts, and stay under budget.
It’s my job to keep food in the house, and prepare meals that are conducive to health, the budget and shared family time.
I learn new skills so we can hire out less. Skills like minor electrical work, carpentry, sewing, painting, interior design, and cooking.
I advocate for our kids, so their health and learning needs are not passed over. This means more research, a lot of research, and sometimes doing interventions myself when there aren’t professionals available to us.
I manage our stuff so we aren’t buried in a pile of it, and can still find what we need when we need it. That includes turning our used stuff into cash through garage sales, Craigslist, Ebay and tax deductible donations.
I make sure everyone has clothing, within budget, that fits, is clean and repaired. Sometimes that means making it myself, shopping online, or visiting several stores. Plus taking care of personal appearances like cutting a boy’s hair or guiding a daughter through makeup and hair for her first date.
I give encouragement and support so everyone can be their best selves. This includes helping with music practice and homework, listening to their joys and sorrows and stories, and reminding them how great God made them.
I am a full time dedicated cheer leader for 7 people. That’s my FAVORITE part of the job.
This doesn’t mean I do everything myself. I’m like a general contractor. I delegate the appropriate jobs. Sometimes I delegate jobs to my kids that would be easier to do myself, just because it’s good for them to work.
I take my job super seriously. I’m constantly researching the best ways to do things and learning new skills. I’m also human and with a job list as long as mine, the big size of our household, and our limited budget, my house isn’t always company ready and the laundry isn’t always folded and put away. Sometimes my time is better spent painting a room than keeping up with daily chores and I’m so thankful my family pitches in and is understanding about that.
It’s true that we sacrifice a little in available cash for me to have this position, but we gain so much more in quality of life in exchange. I know not everyone can make this choice, so trust me that I don’t stand in judgement of work out of the home moms. I was once that mom myself.
What do you think?
Hi Angela,
This was a good post, but I think there is an extra word in the title? At least what I am seeing. I hope you have a good evening with your family.
A stay- at home- mother to 4 teenagers,
Thank you, Julie. I totally missed that. And I love the thoughtful way you told me.
I LOVE this post!!!! Definitely how I feel. I wish that everyone who has questioned what I do all day or more importantly have been asking what job I will be getting once my youngest starts kindergarten in July could read this. We do a lot for our families – and I also try to do a lot for other families. I volunteer, help out, take meals to people, watch their kids, etc for those that aren’t blessed to have a stay at home parent. Great wording Angela, I love it!
This expresses my heart completely! I work part-time; but, I delight in being able to be a homemaker, too. I know a lot of working moms who still do a lot of those same things and work! Nevertheless, being a mom, wife and homemaker are the best job! Well written!
I’m in a dual working household and we are always running in opposite directions.
Things had to slow down recently due to one child having a sports injury . I was home one weekend (we are normally dividing and conquering every night/weekend to meet the kids crazy schedules) and let me tell you – between cooking 3 home cooked meals a day from scratch and cleaning – I was happy to go back to work on Monday! I felt like I never left the kitchen or laundry room. Stay at home mom and homeschooling – I don’t know how my friends do it. Give yourself a huge pat on the back – I bow my head to those that stay home.
Shanna, I know what you mean! As a working mom I had this tremendous guilt that I should be at home. I couldn’t wait to get there and we did everything we could to make it happen as soon as possible. Then when I was home, it was so HARD. I dreamed about going back to work. I think they are both hard!
I love that people are finally recognizing that ALL women are working, whether or not they are employed outside the home. You are so right in pointing out all of the things that you do and the monetary savings. You have the best and hardest job, Mother. When I see the school lunch menus on the news, I can’t help but think that family meals are eaten out so often that kids only like “fast food”. Two incomes and busy schedules are having many unintended consequences. Your children are getting a wonderful example and a road to better health.
I’ve been in both situations. I’ve stayed at home, worked a small part-time job, and work full-time now. I struggle when I read posts like this. I know that being a stay at home mom is no easy task. However, also being a working mom is doing all of the things that you describe but also working, commuting, volunteering, etc. I understand why mothers write posts like these because so many people think staying at home is a walk in the park and fun all day long but when I read posts like these I also feel that I’m less because people don’t understand that being a working mom doesn’t mean I instantly get a free pass on taking care of my house and family. Now I’m just doing that while juggling work and commuting.
Lisa, You have hit the nail on the head. They are both full time jobs. This may not be your situation, but many moms who work have to delegate more of the tasks that a full time at home mom would do. Things like toddler child care, clothing and home repairs. It doesn’t mean she’s taking care of her family less, she’s just doing it differently. Then there are things that can’t be delegated, like homework duty and cheerleading. The mom guilt comes in when a work outside the home mom feels like she should be able to do all the DIY things a stay at home mom does and a stay at home mom wishes for the things a 2 income household would bring.