Round Robin Ping Pong

There was some concern on my part whether I would/should be able to go Christmas Eve.  We were planning to travel up to the farm (about an hour away) to spend the day in the new church basement with Darren’s sisters and parents and their children (16 in all–including ours–how fun is that?!)  It’s my favorite day of the year.

I got up and started helping the children get ready, and made a growing pile by the door of things to load into the car.  All the while I found myself snapping at the children for acting like children.  My bad attitude was catching.  Pretty soon everyone was grumping at each other.  I was worried about wanting to go, but thinking I shouldn’t go.  And I had a headache.  A big one.

So I sat myself down and said, “Self.  This is the year of the happy Mama.  Whether you go or don’t go, your ONE JOB is to be happy.”  I took a couple of tablets for my headache.  I took one large pill to make sure I wouldn’t cough or sneeze for 12 hours, hopefully keeping this virus from spreading around.  Then I made a plan to go.  I made a pact not to touch food or serving dishes.  I would help clean up, but let my daughters help lay out the food.  I wouldn’t sit near great-grandma who just celebrated her 90th birthday. I wouldn’t hold the babies.  I would wash my hands. A lot.

When we arrived, my plan worked very well.  Mostly I sat back and watched the group while still feeling part of things.  Resting and noticing things. Things like DH’s Mama, who never snapped at a person, looked stressed or gave one hint at being weary the whole day.  EVEN though she made a ham, a turkey and a brisket for our crowd.  And gifts of jam and homemade pear bread.  Plus plenty of other things.

She happily licked the beaters from the whipped cream getting white fluff all over her face and just grinned.  She held each of her grandchildren on her lap to open their gifts from age 10 months to age 14 and posed for the pictures.  She played the piano for everyone to sing.  She cheerfully said goodbye to her youngest daughter, who left the party far too early for her inlaw’s gathering, and never  said a cross word about it.

And even though she doesn’t read blogs or look at Pinterest, she got the memo:  Christmas 2013, The Year of the Happy Mama.  And she pulled if off flawlessly.

The card table tents haunted my fevered dreams the week before Christmas.  The brown and pink was finished with a door and windows and little curtains.  The purple one wasn’t close. But my mother came over when I was too sick to get up, and cut a hole in it for the door.  I wrapped it up with a promise to finish it later. By the end of the afternoon, the kids had pulled the pink door all the way to the top of the table and held it down with a heavy toy.  They actually preferred the more simple tent without a door!

The entire day was amazing: singing trios with DH’s sisters; two white elephant gift exchanges, watching the kids play games and laser tag; glorious food, round-robin ping pong. But my mother-in-law’s happiness is my favorite memory from the day.

Is there such a thing?  . . . Maybe.

Giving is an important part of the Christmas season.  It reminds us of God’s gift to us in His son.  It’s a celebration of a birthday that forever changed the world.  It helps us express our love and gratitude to those who have impacted our lives.  I don’t want to get rid of it.

But giving too much to our children can make them unhappy.

For example, have you ever watched a 1 or 2 year old on his birthday? He opens one gift, and his eyes get wide.  He wants it out of the box and to play, right now.  But there are more gifts to open.  Someone takes it from his hands and gives him another unopened package. It won’t be long before there are tears.  He just wants to play!

Fast forward a few years.  Now the boy is 9.  There’s a huge stack of presents under the tree, all for him.  He thinks in his mind, “It will take forever to open all of these.” I can’t wait!  But it doesn’t take forever.  Soon he’s sitting in a pile of wrapping paper and opened gifts and feels a strange feeling.  Disappointment…loss.  Aren’t there any more?

I noticed watching my own children that they appreciate more what they are given when they aren’t given too much.

 If you’ve kept things small from the beginning, it’s much easier than to take it down a few hundred notches when the kid’s already have big expectations. But what if you are already there?  The kids are expecting pirate loads of loot, and you are ready to simplify.  What are some things you can do to make it as painless as possible?

Here’s a little brainstorm list I made one day of things that might help.  It’s not meant for one family to do everything on the list.  That would be overwhelming!  But there might be something here that sparks an idea you know your kids will really respond to:

1. If you have older kids (age 5 or older) Gently tell them in advance that you are only buying X number of gifts this year. The earlier you tell them the better (it’s easier to take news like this when D day is far away.) And tell them why–you want to save money for their future, your home is too crowded with stuff, you want to spend more time being together than shopping…..What are your reasons?  Children younger than 4 won’t need an explanation.
2. Get their input on ways that you can get the season back to what it should be.  Let them express their feelings about simplifying.

1. Switch focus:  From gifts to Jesus.  Spend time in childlike worship– Start with a colorful story then add two of the following: coloring page, simple craft, game, music, or  snack that reinforce the lesson. Make it fun and keep them a active. Then do gifts after. Or spend time during December preparing a gift the children can offer to Jesus for His birthday.  It should be something that uses their talents like singing a song, playing an instrument, writing a poem, or making a piece of art.  Then present the gifts in a small worship time on Christmas day.
2. Switch focus: From receiving to giving.  Help the children buy gifts for each other or others in need.  In our family we buy 2 or 3 gifts for our kids. Then they each buy one for each other, with their own money, that they earned all year by doing extra chores. I love it because I get one on one time with each one, and they learn what things really cost and that it takes hard work to get money. They can also choose an angel from the tree at church and buy a gift for a child their age in our community who otherwise would have nothing.
3. Switch focus to service:  Volunteer as a family at a local shelter, soup kitchen, or community services center where children can  give relief to those in need.
4. Switch focus to global need: Sponsor a child through World Vision. Or participate in the Operation Christmas Child program.
5. Prolong the gift opening, with a game like a treasure hunt:  Use scriptures as clues to where you hid the next clue, and the next clue and eventually where they can find their gift. Or make them do something athletic to get the next clue, such as run up and down the stairs 5 times, or do 3 push-ups :).  The sillier the better.

Have you found a way to keep things simple at your home?  We’d love to hear about what works for you.